Living in Regret
by Gre3nleaf
Summary: "The only time a goodbye is painful, is if you know you'll never say hello again." The importance of saying goodbye to your loved ones before they leave for battle is learnt in pain, and tears, and death.
1. I Regret Nothing

**Living in Regret**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from my OCs. Everything belongs to the amazing J.R.R Tolkein :)**

 **Note: So. Hey. Yeah. I've not been very active, have I? XD I have a good reason, however. It's exam season. Is there any more I need to say? The amount of stress I've been put under recently is unreal, and I haven't been able to write/upload any chapters to my stories, which I am missing an unbelievable amount! D:**

 **Nevertheless, I suddenly remembered that I had a story all planned out that I'd written three chapters for sometime last summer, and figured it'd do no harm to upload them and hopefully get some inspiration to finish it off and my other stories! And so, here is 'Living In Regret'.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **Eleniel (the equivalent of a 16-year old human in this fic - Estel is 21), Daeron and Feredir are my OCs, along with anyone else you don't recognize. (See my profile if you would like to know more about them!)**

* * *

 _The only time a goodbye is painful, is if you know you'll never say hello again._

* * *

Glorfindel eased himself onto Eleniel's bed, grimacing slightly, before turning to face the elleth down next to him.

There had been a report from a nearby village that orcs were continuously raiding and killing the people who lived there. The village was just outside of Rivendell, and the people had had nobody to turn to but the Lord Elrond. He had of course answered kindly and, taking almost all of the warriors in Rivendell, travelled to the village that morning to see what they could do to help. The twins were gone, Estel was gone, even _Erestor_ was gone – the advisor was a very experienced warrior and the village needed everyone capable of fighting, it would seem. Feredir had gone with them also, as well as his son Daeron, and the only person who hadn't gone was Glorfindel, surprisingly. He had injured himself on his last patrol, falling over a hidden root in the ground and practically shattering his ankle. The stubborn elf had finally persuaded Elrond to allow him to get out of bed three days ago, the healer only _just_ agreeing, and had been hobbling about the House with a white splint on his foot. Luckily for Elrond, but quite unluckily for his daughter, he conveniently had someone he could trust to look after his youngest child while he was away.

The balrog-slayer sighed as he looked at Eleniel, not missing the glint of unshed tears in the blue vastness of her eyes.

The elleth had begged her father to let her come, telling him she had been on countless patrols and knew exactly how to defend herself, but he had said no every time, slowly beginning to get angry. He had explained to her that she had been on four patrols to be exact, and had never been faced with a real enemy, so how _could_ she know how to defend herself? To put it simply, she was not under any circumstances going with him, and that was final.

The elleth had replied in a horrible tone, screaming at her father that she hated him, and he had left with the both of them on bad terms, Eleniel completely refusing to say goodbye to him before he departed.

"Are you hungry?" Glorfindel asked.

Eleniel shook her head, staring up at the ceiling. She blinked, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

The blond warrior rose an eyebrow, and a concerned expression appeared on his face. "Are you sure? You have been in here all day and haven't eaten anything since this morning."

Eleniel turned her head the slightest bit to look out of the window, and saw that it was indeed almost dark, the sun slowly beginning to set and casting Rivendell in an orange glow. The warriors had left after breakfast, and she had run to her room straight after, slamming her door shut. She had not realized that the whole day had been spent in here. "I'm fine," she mumbled.

Glorfindel nodded, deciding not to press the matter. If she was hungry, she would eat – he was not going to force her. "I came to see you earlier, but you were asleep," he said.

"I was?"

"Mhm. I suppose you were tired from all that screaming."

Eleniel squeezed her eyes shut. "I do not want to talk about that."

"We do not have to."

The two stayed silent for another moment before the elleth sighed and turned to lay on her side. "I regret what I did," she said solemnly.

Glorfindel smiled faintly, patting the girl's shoulder. _Ah_. So she was already breaking. "I should hope so."

"I made Ada angry."

"How do you know?"

At this, Eleniel turned a disbelieving look on the balrog-slayer, and for the first time, in the darkness of the room, Glorfindel was met with red, almost blood-shot eyes, shining with unshed tears. "Would you not be mad after what I did?"

"No," Glorfindel said truthfully, and then lowered his voice, "only very, _very_ upset. You have never told your Ada that you hate him before."

"I do not hate him."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because!" Eleniel said exasperatedly, feeling tears well up in her eyes, "I was… I was angry."

"Why were you angry?"

"Ada would not let me come with him to the village."

"Do you know why that is?"

Eleniel scoffed. "He told me it was so you did not get into any trouble while he was gone."

Glorfindel rose both eyebrows at that, not able to contain the amused smile which briefly flitted across his face. "Trouble, indeed," he said. " _I_ think it was because he loves his little girl far too much to see her fighting against such foul creatures as orcs."

The elleth remained silent as he continued. "Do you know what he would do if something happened to you? He would blame himself, because it would be him who let you join him in the first place. He would tear himself apart, and so would I. And your brothers, and Feredir, and Erestor, and absolutely everyone you know because we love you very much. Not letting you go to this village is the decision all of us would have come to had we been the ones to decide. It was not because he does not trust you, or he does not believe you can defend yourself. It is because he loves you _endless_ amounts, and does not want you to get hurt. It was hard enough allowing your brothers to go with him, let alone his youngest daughter. He made you stay here because he knows the dangers of fighting with orcs, and he knows that there is always a possibility of dying when you are in battle, and believe it or not, that is the last thing any of us want!"

Eleniel's tears had begun falling at a faster rate now, running down her cheeks like a river, and sobs were escaping her lips every so often. She took a moment to absorb all of what Glorfindel said, and then sat up quickly, throwing herself into the warrior's arms. He held her tightly, grimacing when the force of her throw jarred his healing foot slightly from where it was resting on the floor.

"I feel so h- _horrible_!" the elleth sobbed, clinging onto the balrog-slayer's tunic as she lay curled up in a ball of guilt, and regret, and emotion on his lap.

"Why, little warrior?"

"Because I told Ada I hated him, and I didn't tell him, but I wished that he'd get really injured, and that was _so_ awful of me, and I cannot believe I even _dared_ to think like that, and- and what if that _does_ happen? I didn't say goodbye to him, and he left thinking I h-hate him and he probably hates me too, and my brothers, and- and… oh Fin, I'm such a horrible d-daughter!"

"Calm yourself, El," the balrog-slayer said, rubbing the elleth's back, "he does not hate you, and neither do the twins or Estel. Your father knows exactly what the cause of your little… _outburst_ was. He knows you do not hate him, and he knows that as soon as he gets home, he will most likely have an armful of Eleniel before he has even dismounted his horse, crying all sorts of apologies and asking for forgiveness."

Eleniel blushed, realizing that, for the most part, it was all true. She looked up at Glorfindel, the smallest hint of confusion shining in her eyes. "How does he know?"

"Because you are his beloved daughter," the warrior said as he leaned down to kiss her forehead, "and he knows you better than he knows himself."

The elleth smiled, unconsciously leaning more into Glorfindel's embrace as he continued to soothingly rub her back and stroke her hair, and she soon found herself lost in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **Elvish used:**

 **Ada – Dad**

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 **I hope you enjoyed this! Please review, if you can :D**

 **PS. I'll try write a chapter to 100GL this evening and hopefully get it up ASAP :) ~ Gre3nleaf**


	2. Battered, Bruised and Broken

Eleniel sighed sleepily as her eyes flickered, opening the slightest bit. The room was still dark, and she slowly began to realize that she was in a different place than where she fell asleep. She had been dressed in sleeping clothes, and had been warmly tucked into bed, most likely by Glorfindel.

Yawning, the elleth stretched before sitting up, throwing the covers off and moving to get dressed for the day. She felt that she was in a much better mood, although she found that after her anger had gone, nervousness quickly took its place. The idea that her brothers and father were off fighting in a battle somewhere against orcs had only just settled in her mind, and she was extremely scared for them, though she swore to herself that she wouldn't let Glorfindel see it.

As she dressed, a smile found its way onto her face. She had a whole day to spend with the balrog-slayer! She knew he wouldn't really be able to do much with his injured foot, but she giggled as she realized that that was the _last_ thing the lunatic would let stop him!

Eleniel drew back the curtains and opened the door to her balcony, walking out and breathing in the fresh air of the morning. The sun had fully risen, and the warriors that had stayed to protect Rivendell were already training in a far corner of the garden, the clash of metal hitting metal echoing throughout the trees. The horses had been turned out for the morning, their glossy coats shining in the sun as they grazed and galloped in the grass. She saw Arthion walk out of the stables, and called to him, watching as his head turned in confusion before catching sight of Eleniel and waving happily to her.

"You have only just got out of bed?" the stable-master shouted.

"I have only just woken up, let alone got out of bed!" Eleniel yelled back, and Arthion laughed before turning back to what he had been doing.

The elleth smiled as she saw some birds nesting in the apple tree beside her balcony. She would wait every summer until they had ripened, and then would pick them for the cooks, waiting patiently until dinner where a beautiful pie would be placed on the table. The sight of the small green-yellow coloured fruits growing beneath the canopy of leaves suddenly made her realize that, judging by the time of day it was, she must have missed breakfast. Her stomach growled in response to that thought, and she frowned, turning and walking out of her room. Glorfindel usually woke her in time for the morning meal, so perhaps he was still in bed. She hoped so, for she would hate to eat alone.

The elleth walked down the corridor, too lost in her thoughts to notice Lindir as she bumped into him. The older elf's eyes widened, and he reached out to stop her from falling, quickly bringing her up to his chest to support her.

Eleniel breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at the minstrel. "Thank you, Lin," she said, bringing her arms around his waist to hug him. Lindir returned the hug and kissed the elleth's forehead, a soft smile gracing his lips.

"Good morning. I see we are in a better mood today," he said with a slightly raised eyebrow, and Eleniel blushed, looking down at her boots.

"Sorry," she mumbled, and Lindir chuckled, patting her on the back.

"Do not worry about it. What you _should_ worry about, I believe, is that hungry stomach of yours!"

Eleniel's eyes widened. "Breakfast! Am I late?"

Lindir shook his head with a smile. "You and Lord Glorfindel are two of the only people the cooks have to feed for the next few dats, besides from myself and the warriors that stayed behind. Breakfast is still going on, but you had better wake up that balrog-slayer of yours before they clear it away."

"Thank you!" Eleniel said with a bright smile. She dipped her head slightly towards the older elf stood in front of her and moved to continue on her way to Glorfindel's room.

"Oh, before you go," Lindir called back, "you wouldn't mind telling him that Landion would like to see him for a check-up on that ankle of his as soon as he is finished eating, would you?"

Eleniel smiled, said she would pass on the message, and then skipped off down the hall. When she reached the blond warrior's room, the elf was already up and getting dressed for the day, his windows thrown open and a cool chill flowing into the room. She sat on his bed, begging him to hurry up because she was _hungry_ , to which he responded with purposefully talking almost ten minutes to braid his hair just to annoy her.

"Alright, _alright_!" he laughed as she practically dragged him out of the room. "You forget that Elladan is not here to eat everything before we get there."

Eleniel scoffed. " _You_ forget who actually does that!"

"What are you trying to say?"

"That I am surprised you did not wake me up an hour ago telling _me_ that _you're_ hungry, you greedy balrog-slayer!"

"Greedy balrog-slay- come here, you!"

Eleniel squealed as she dodged the warrior's hands and ran the rest of the way down the corridor, hearing the tell-tale hopping as her pursuer followed behind her. Once they reached the breakfast hall, the two sat and ate, laughing and talking about the mischief they could get up to now that Elrond and his sons were gone.

"Oh," Eleniel said as she swallowed a bite of her food, "Lindir asked me to let you know that Landion wants to give you a check-up on your messed-up ankle."

"Messed-up!" Glorfindel exclaimed, "is that what he said?"

"No. I made that bit up."

"Well, it is not messed-up. It is just… broken."

"Shattered."

"Well, yes-"

"Messed-up."

Glorfindel sighed. "You are growing more and more like your father each day. Poor girl."

"I'll tell him you said that!" Eleniel said with a laugh, before her face suddenly became very forlorn. Speaking about her father made her miss him very much, and she found herself wishing more than anything that she could turn back time just to say goodbye to him. She wanted to hug him, say that she loved him, and tell him to be careful, just like she had done with each of her brothers.

* * *

" _Do not die," Eleniel said as she hugged Estel, the man laughing as he kissed her forehead before stepping back._

" _I will try," he said, "I love you tithen gwathel."_

 _The elleth sighed as she watched her brothers mount their horses. She had said her farewells to them all, including Erestor and Feredir, and was very close to tears. She didn't know how long they'd be gone, and she'd miss them very much._

 _She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned, coming face-to-face with her father._

" _Do I get a good bye?" Elrond asked, one of his dark brows slowly rising. He was dressed from head-to-toe in his gold armour, the sunlight making it sparkle. He looked very regal, but Eleniel found that she didn't care. He was leaving, too. Without her. Because it 'wasn't safe'._

 _The elleth's blue eyes narrowed and the next thing she knew, she was pushing past the elf lord and running back to the house, angrily wiping tears from her cheeks._

* * *

Both Glorfindel and Eleniel looked up as a guard came walking into the Breakfast Hall, holding a folded-up sheet of parchment. He handed it to the blond with a bow, and then turned around to walk out of the room. Glorfindel sat back and looked at the parchment, eyes scanning the letters.

"Is everything alright?" Eleniel asked quietly, and the balrog-slayer looked up.

"They have run into some trouble," he said, eyes moving back to the parchment.

"Ada? What has happened?"

"The orcs that attacked the village apparently hide out somewhere near where your father and his warriors camped last night. They were very sneaky, and managed to seriously injure the elf on watch with an arrow before his scream woke everyone else up. They have killed as many orcs as they could find, but there were not a lot there, and they believe that the rest of them are on their way to attack the village again."

Eleniel's breath caught in her throat. "Who was on watch? Is he okay?"

"Daeron," Glorfindel said, his mouth set in a tight line as he thought of the young elf. "He and Feredir arrived not ten minutes ago with this note. We should go and see them. I can get this foot looked at while we are there as well."

* * *

Daeron was asleep when Glorfindel and Eleniel arrived at the Healing Rooms, his shoulder tightly wrapped in a bandage. His raven hair was tangled and there were still smears of dirt and blood on his face. Landion saw them walk in and made his way over to them. "You are here for your foot, Glorfindel?" he asked, and the balrog-slayer nodded.

"Yes," he replied, though he said it very quietly. He was looking at Daeron, the elf he had known since he was an elfling, and the elf whose father was his best friend. "Where is Feredir?"

"He has gone to collect some new clothes for Daeron. His current ones are quite... well," he looked at the bloody and ripped tunic and leggings and grimaced, "not something _I'd_ like to be wearing. He will be back soon."

Glorfindel nodded. "Is he okay?"

Lindir sighed. "A little shaken. He is not himself, that much is for certain, but I am sure seeing you will make him feel better."

"And Daeron? How is he?"

"I fear it is too early to say. His father told me that he had been unconscious since the arrow pierced him."

Eleniel stared at the healer. "You mean he's not asleep?" she asked.

Landion shook his head sadly and placed an arm around the elleth's shoulders, drawing her close to him. "No, tithen pen. The arrow was poisoned and he did not get here in time to be treated properly."

Eleniel's heart was almost in her mouth as she looked at the unconscious warrior. "Is he… is he going to _die?_ " she whispered. Daeron was a very good friend of hers. She had known him her whole life, and the two were practically family. To lose him would mean losing part of herself - a part which he'd helped her become.

Landion glanced at Glorfindel over the top of the elleth's head, the both of them sharing a look before he patted Eleniel's shoulder and sighed. "Only time can tell, I am afraid. I have done all I can for him. He is a strong ellon, and I do believe he has a high chance of surviving, but orc poison is deadly, and I do not know how much of it is in his blood. We should know for certain when- _if_ … he wakes up."

Eleniel let out a cry and launched herself into Glorfindel's arms, the balrog-slayer lifting her up and limping over to a bed where they could not see Daeron anymore.


	3. Mellon Nin

"Elrond should not have let you out of bed so soon," Landion said with a frown as he gently unwound the bandage around Glorfindel's ankle and looked concernedly at the swollen foot which was now covered in horrible colours of blue, purple, yellow and brown. "Are you sure I cannot convince you to get back in?"

"What do you think, Landion?" the balrog-slayer said with a smile. "One week in bed is enough, thank you very much."

"It looks painful," Eleniel said, her eyes fixed on the warrior's foot.

"Mhm," Landion agreed as he gently probed around the swollen skin, taking note whenever the elf flinched, "it is still broken. You need to try your best to keep off it, alright? Even putting slight pressure on it will affect how the bones heal and put themselves back together again. You have been keeping your boot off, yes?" At Glorfindel's nod, he continued. "I am not asking you to stay in bed all day, but don't walk around either. If you do not rest your ankle, it will never heal."

The balrog-slayer grinned at Eleniel as the healer carried on talking about the structure of ankle bones and how important it was that they healed properly - if they didn't, he'd have a limp forever. Glorfindel was listening to everything, but not really paying attention. He already knew everything Landion was telling him, whether it be by common knowledge or hearing it from Elrond. He had been keeping off the foot as much as he could, and although there was a lot of swelling and bruising, it was healing. Slowly - and painfully - but healing all the same.

The three elves looked up as the door to the Healing Rooms opened, and Feredir walked in, carrying some clothes and a bowl of water. He set the clothes at the end of Daeron's bed, sat on the chair next to it, and gently started to wash away the blood and dirt from his son's face.

Eleniel made a move to get off Glorfindel's bed and go to him, but the balrog-slayer stopped her, quickly reaching out to grab her and pull her close to him. "Leave him be for the moment," he said quietly, and Eleniel nodded, understanding what he meant.

* * *

About thirty minutes later, Feredir leaned down to kiss his son on his clean forehead, stroke his raven hair, and then turn away to walk towards where he believed he'd seen Glorfindel and Eleniel a while ago. When he reached the bed, the balrog-slayer was laying down, his head on the pillows and the young elleth curled up in his arms as Landion and another female healer tended to his ankle, rubbing different salves and creams on it and then gingerly wrapping it in a new bandage and splint.

Despite everything that was going on, Feredir smiled slightly as he walked up to the bed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe. "You really are growing lazy now, mellon nin, if you are getting other people to tend to your every need."

Glorfindel looked up and felt a warmness fill his heart at the sight of his best friend's smile. He shrugged, nodding towards Eleniel, who was half-asleep. "I cannot exactly move right now to do it myself," he said.

Landion looked up at this moment. "I think the real reason why we are doing this is because this clumsy fool broke – no, sorry, completely _messed up_ -"

Eleniel sleepily snorted at his choice of words, and Glorfindel poked her side.

"-his ankle, and so I have forbidden him to even put the slightest bit of pressure on it, else he will have my wrath to answer to, and probably endless amounts of pain in a few weeks' time once his bones completely give up trying to heal and decide to stay in their unaligned form. Isn't that right, my Lord Glorfindel?"

"Ah," Glorfindel said, smiling sweetly at the stern ellon in front of him, "of course, my Chief Healer Landion."

Landion moved away with a fond shake of his head, and the elleth followed after him, probably heading towards Daeron. Everything was silent for a moment, before Glorfindel looked Feredir in the eye and saw such an overwhelming sadness there that he almost had to turn away.

"I cannot bear to lose him," the raven-haired warrior said finally, the tone of his voice piercing the balrog-slayer's heart like a dagger. "He… he is all I have left."

Glorfindel sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. He smiled sadly. "Would you mind moving Eleniel for me, Fere? We can talk properly then," he said gently, realizing the elleth next to him had indeed fallen asleep.

Feredir stood frozen for a moment, as if lost in some sort of daydream, before shaking his head and moving around the bed. "Of course," he said quietly, reaching down and effortlessly picking the young girl up. Eleniel unconsciously snuggled her head into the crook of the warrior's neck as he held her, and he suddenly felt himself overcome with emotion. The dam broke, and tears came flooding from his eyes, heart-wrenching sobs escaping through his lips as he clung onto the elf in his arms like a lifeline. Like she was _his son_.

Eleniel must have woken from the sudden tightness around her waist and the sobs coming right from beside her ear, as her eyes slowly opened, and she drew her head back. She stared at Feredir's face, full of emotion and pain, and felt her own tears brimming in her eyes. She gently leaned forward, her forehead touching his, and closed her eyes, trying to comfort him without saying anything.

It seemed to work, Feredir's cries dying down as he held Eleniel close to him, his green eyes squeezed shut.

Glorfindel finally managed to manoeuvre himself into a kneeling position on the bed, glancing behind him and trying to ignore Landion's look of concern both for the crying warrior and his foot, which he was trying to keep levitated. He reached out and placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder, who looked up and smiled faintly at Eleniel. He pulled his head away and sat down on the bed, Eleniel sitting beside him between the two warriors. "Goheno nin, Eleniel," he said quietly, taking the elleth's hands in his, "I did not mean to lose control like that."

Eleniel shook her head. "Do not worry about it, please… that is the last thing you need to have on your conscience."

"Are you alright?" Glorfindel asked a moment later, and Feredir nodded, reaching behind Eleniel to give him a hug. The elleth thought she heard the blond whisper something into his friend's ear which seemed to have immediate effect and calm him down.

"I am fine," he replied.

"Good. I was thinking… why don't you take Eleniel out for a while? I believe it would do you both some good." The balrog-slayer saw his second-in-command's glance over in the direction of Daeron's bed, and quickly continued. "I will stay here, mellon nin, I promise you. If Daeron wakes up, or… or if something happens, I promise I will call for you, alright? Just go for a ride somewhere, or take lunch into the woods. Clear your head and get your mind off things, Fere."

Feredir seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding hesitantly and standing up, looking at Eleniel with a smile. The elleth hugged Glorfindel, reminding him to stay off his 'messed-up foot', and then joined Feredir as the two walked out of the Healing Rooms.

* * *

 **Elvish used:  
**

 **Mellon nin - My friend**

 **Goheno nin - Forgive me**


End file.
